Friday, 22 February 2013 19:54
I must have something to write about. I’m not that blank / empty minded. I haven’t sat in my room for the last week and done nothing. I’ve been out. I’ve done things. I’ve seen people.
I had a nice meal with my friends on Monday which one of them cooked. Today I took my mum out for afternoon tea as a birthday treat down by the sea. Not that long ago both of those things would have caused me to have an anxiety attack and to avoid the event if possible. But I wasn’t anxious about them. I didn’t give the cottage pie a second thought and my first thought was “that sounds like a nice meal”.
I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder in spring 2007 and since then I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go. I’ve been able to do things with little to no anxiety where as a few years ago I’d of been so anxious I’d of had to avoid the event that was causing it. I still suffer from anxiety, the bastard sneaks up on me from time to time. Like when Steve asked me if I wanted to go to London on the train I couldn’t.
My anxiety has caused me to stay put. I’ve not been on holiday since 2007 nor do I use my free time and car to travel far. With good traffic I could drive to France by the Channel Tunnel in about two hours but I haven’t. There is nothing physically stopping me from doing this but mentally, if I were serious about doing such a thing, I’d be too anxious about it and come up with reasons to cancel. This year I am more determined to do things, anything. Something new, something old, something I’ve not done in a long time because the last time I did I had an anxiety attack.