Tuesday, 24 August 2010 23:24
Music: Chase and Status feat Plan B - Pieces
Music: Magnetic Man
Highs-school sweetheart or an angel of agony? What if the two are one? The same person is both your high-school sweetheart and the bringer of pain. Seeing them feels like jumping into a sea of happiness and thorns. I don't understand why I feel this way about this person and I probably never will since I'm unable to rationally deal with the sight of them let along meeting in person. Mixed emotions doesn't seem to cover it. It would be more actual to say it's a marriage of opposites. If only I could organise my thoughts and feelings like general organised his men on the battle field. Strategies. Tactics. A plan of assault to squash these feelings once and forever.
Live goes on and progresses as normal, well as normal as normal is. When I see this person my heart and mind gets filled with feelings and emotions from the past. A uncontrollable time warp of the mind to where things these feelings live, only to be visited when this person is seen or mentioned. Progress was once made when I became good friends with this person again but only over the internet. I believe the main reason I still feel this way about this person is because this is how I felt when we last met. It's how things were and how they are in my mind, until we meet again and create new memories, separate from the painful ones of old.
Normally I go into this mood when his name is mentioned or in this case when my friend was looking at pics of him on Facebook: The black hole for people who should be working and the tool of choice for lazy stalkers. I'm currently drowning myself in great music to cope with how I feel and help me focus on writing this blog. It's a lot better than the sea of happiness, less prickly. I believe writing this blog has also helped me cope by partially forcing myself to describe what I am feeling in words.
Headphones + Music = Fuck the world :)